Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
