yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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