I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
