Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
