theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
