where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
