Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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