I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
