My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
