Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
