PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
