the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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