So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
