so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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