In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize