I skipped work to stalk him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize