I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
