i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
