a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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