I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize