Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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