I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
