you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
