Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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