He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
