im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize