In the future we'll all be gay
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
