im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
