He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
