can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize