Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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