he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize