long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will pee on everything he values.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
