i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
