Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
