She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
