GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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