remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
