and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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