I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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