Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
