The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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