He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
