My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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