Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
