True but thats because hes a fetus.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize