Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
