i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
