ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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