she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
