Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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