At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
