Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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