so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its about making memories worth repressing
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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