matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
