Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
