She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
