Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
