You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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