Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
