How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
