she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
