Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
