I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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