I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
