You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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