and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
